Everything I need to know in life I learned from natural childbirth

Disclaimer: I never knew how opinionated people were until I started having children.  Everything in a mother's world is controversial.  Literally complete strangers will stop you in the middle of the grocery store to tell you something you should or should not be doing.  Everything from breastfeeding to bows on babies' heads is up for discussion- whether you asked the question or not.  And that's all after the baby has actually gotten here- there is quite the controversy and debate even on how a child will come into the world.  Obviously from the title of this post, I am an advocate of natural child birth; however I know that the last thing we need in this world is one more person telling people how they SHOULD do something or that they are bad for choosing something else.  Rather, I'd like to offer this as a "refer to a friend".  Much like someone who has experienced something amazing that changed their life- they can't keep quiet about it.  Think about this- if you went on a great vacation, would you not refer the location or hotel? If you read an amazing book, would you not tell a friend about it?  If you had a lifechanging experience, would you not want others to know about it?  Mothers who opt for natural childbirth do not love their babies any more than mothers who get epidurals or have C-sections.  While medically I believe there is evidence to show that there are health benefits to decreasing medication and  interventions, I believe that epidurals and pitocin and C-sections and the like serve a very important purpose...but in many cases there is another option. 

Natural child birth changed my life.  Strong statement, I know....but it has.  Not just the end result that was produced by the birth, but the actual process.  Before I had my son, I thought that women who opted for natural childbirth had an element of "feminine machismo" that needed to be released- that they just needed to show how "tough" they were.  I don't know about you, but there are far better ways in life that I can show what I'm made of then by enduring hours and hours of pain when I know there is an alternative at the push of a nurse's call button.  But then I got pregnant and when the baby was just the size of a peanut, I realized that this new and exciting life that was forming inside of me had to at some point come OUT.  While that might seem pretty obvious...and something I should have considered before actually becoming pregnant...it was a very surreal revelation.  I started thinking about what I wanted that process to look like.  As much as I was scared of contractions, I was equally as scared of needles, which I believe is the standard form of epidural delivery.  My husband and I began to look into alternatives just to see what was out there.  We started looking into the Bradley Method and the process of Husband Coached Child birth.  We have now had two beautiful childbirths via this method (see Harper's Birth Story..if you want to) and walked away with not only two beautiful children, but with skills that- if properly applied- could change the way we approach everything in life.  Below are the 7 things in life that I learned through natural child birth

Viewing pain as progress:  Pain is the most common word that comes up when it comes to natural childbirth.  It's going to hurt too much, right?  One of the principles that the Bradley method teaches is that pain is progress.  Actually that it's not really pain, but progress being made towards the end goal- which is the baby being born.  Every contraction is the uterus contracting to bring the baby lower and closer to delivery.  It's not pain like a migraine, that is constant and not really serving a purpose- the pain is an ends to get to a means.  If I could only adopt this realization in life, that hard things that we go through aren't just to make life crappy or be painful for the sake of being painful..but if properly applied, it's actually making progress- pushing me towards being a better person or learning something that I haven't yet learned or mastered.

There is no "I" in Natural Childbirth: Okay, well there actually are two i's- if you're spelling it; however if you're performing it, there are no I's.  When I talk about how my children were born, I catch myself saying "when WE were in labor" because it really was a team effort.  My husband was equally involved- granted the child was not birthed from his body, but he was a critical part of the process in helping me do the things that I needed to do (relax) to help the baby come out.  Anecdotally in fact, my husband got an infection in his leg after the birth of our first child from staying in one position, rubbing my back for over 12 hours.  More than that, he was a bigger source of encouragement and fixture of confidence in me that I needed to get the job done.  I have often said, there was no greater picture of marriage than our child birth process- one person going through something so dramatic, but the other person so involved and right there with them, that there is hardly a distinction between the two.  And what a way to kick off the adventure of parenthood?  As a team.

Informed Consent: I tend to think that in general most people are pretty ignorant of their own medical process.  Me included.  Whether we're talking about pregnancy, child birth or any other medical condition, we just trust the doctor to tell us what to do, what not to do.  I loved the Bradley Method because it focuses a lot on informed consent- knowing about the decisions that you're making, the drugs that you're taking, the intervention that you're participating. 

Some things in life are supposed to be hard: Our society has taught women that they CAN'T have a baby without drugs, doctors, interventions.  While these things are certainly essential and helpful to many birthing scenarios, they are not the "end all, be all" of having a baby.  I find it sad that women will just tell you "it can't be done" as far as having a natural child birth.  One of the most empowering things that made me want to have a baby naturally was a women stopped me- in the grocery store, of course- with her teenage daughter standing next to her.  She told me how I should sign up for the epidural as soon as I could that you "just can't take the pain." Her daughter stood by listening and laughing at her mom's story of how bad her births hurt.  I walked away thinking that it was so sad that the women had not only painted a grim picture for me, but also her daughter who at some point in life would probably have a baby and go into it already defeated.  I'm not one of those "you can do anything you can put your mind to" people- there are a GREAT many things in life that I can't do...even if I really try.  HOWEVER, some things in life are just supposed to be hard...and it's okay...and it feels pretty sweet when you get to the end that you actually did something that an entire society has told you that you couldn't do.

Don't let emotion get the best of you:  If only I could master this in my every day life!!!  How many things in life do I made harder by my own actions?  Ugh!  During my labor with Gavin, I remember very vividly staring at that mascara blob on my pillow for an extended amount of time- a mascara blob that was only there because I had crying- while I was in labor thinking things like "I never want to have another child," "kids are so not worth this," " I cannot do this", "this is the most miserable I've ever been in my life..." The great thing about it though is that those things were all just between me and my mascara blob- I never said any of those things out loud.  How many things in life would I make easier by not spewing out everything thought that comes into my head?  How many things in life would be easier if I just took it for what it was, and knowing that my own emotions are probably 7/10ths of the difficulty.  Added bonus- once the baby was born, everyone told me how brave I was and how awesome I'd done.  They didn't know I was a complete basket case- but only in my head.

Don't worry too much about the future: A very wise friend told me before Gavin was born "Don't catch yourself thinking if it hurts now, I can only imagine what it will hurt like in a couple of hours."  Those were some of the wisest words anyone ever told me.  Just deal with what you're dealing with right this second and get through that.  Don't think about what things will be like if the situation gets  deeper or harder or some other kind of "er" word that takes it to a more extreme level. 

Full reliance on the One who created the process: When a lot of people think of natural childbirth, they tend to focus on the epidural, but as I found throughout the process, it's less about getting or not getting an epidual and more about the overall commitment to having as few medical interventions as possible. I love being pregnant because I was able to completely live day to day a process that I know God designed perfectly and is the Author of.  God has designed a miraculous process that works independent of pitocin to speed up the process, an epidural to alleviate the pain- in fact there are times when those things actually make the situaton worse!  An example of this is that Harper was 9 days late.  In this day and age, many women don't even make it to their due date because dr's like to induce so many times.  Many times this is necessary, but other times there is nothing lost by just waiting things out- in fact there are things to be gained.  When we were telling our pediatrician that Harper ate so well, he actually chalked some of that up to the fact that she was a little "older" when she was born!  I love the idea that I was able to fully experience what my body was made to do. 

So there you have it.  Everything in life you will ever need to know.  And while I'm sure that this doesn't leave every reader with the burning desire to have a baby sans le drugs, I hope that it will at least introduce that there is another option out there...that is proven to not only produce a healthy baby, but will teach you a couple of things along the way.